


John/Vriska Drabbles

by eloquentelegance



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-06
Updated: 2012-03-06
Packaged: 2017-10-29 01:28:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/314356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eloquentelegance/pseuds/eloquentelegance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things I come up with at some ungodly hour in the morning. Depicts John and Vriska relationship, varying themes from AU to canon-compliant. Very cheesy and gimmicky. You have been warned.</p><p>Moirails/Matesprits/BoyfriendGirlfriend/Moirsprits/Materails/Thisisfuckingstupid</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cheesy, Obligatory, Holiday Drabble

It’s just about sunset, otherwise known as too-damn-early-to-wake-up for trolls. You’re exhausted and breathless, and wouldn’t Dave just find that hilarious. After all, you were the heir of breath and you were breathless, and wasn’t that just ironic. But whatever, you don’t really care for irony. You’re just happy you finished your present. It took some doing, sure. But it was worth it.

You just spent the entire day high up in the atmosphere, using your powers to twist and shape the clouds. It was rather chilly but a hell of a lot better than being at the mall, elbowing your way through the angry throngs of shoppers. Besides, there was nothing for Vriska there. This was your first Christmas together, or in her case, your first 12th Perigrees Eve together. And you wanted to do something special for her. And there was just nothing special enough in the mall. So you decided to do this.

And even though it’s way too early for trolls to be awake, you rouse Vriska from her sleep, just about dragging her out of the recuparacoon. You had to or it might just get too dark for her to see it. You needed some sunlight since you weren’t sure the moon would be enough. So you drag her out and together, you stumble down the staircase and stagger out the front door.

She’s sleepy and grumpy. She would’ve been kicking or screaming if she had the energy. But finally, she rubs her eyes open and she looks up. And there, written in the sky for all to see, is your little message.

“John <3> Vriska!”

It wasn’t a moiraillegiance. But it wasn’t solely a matespritship. So it wasn’t just a heart and it wasn’t just a diamond. It was a completely unique relationship, and it was yours and yours alone. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Merry 12th Perigrees Eve, Vriska.” You smile at her.

“Happy Christmas, John.” She smiles back.

And for a moment, you stand in the doorway. Your fingers find each other, as her palm fits snugly into yours. There’s a quaint silence.

And then…

“But you still got me a present, right????????”

“Oh, like you wouldn’t believe.”


	2. AU Humanstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU Humanstuck. They celebrate their one year anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something from 2 AM musings. Also because I like flipping things. Also because John's troubled face is too pretty. Someone should really take the keyboard away from me early in the morning

It had been their one year anniversary. John had waited outside of her classroom, just so he could personally escort her out of school. They didn’t go anywhere special, just swung by and bought some slurpees, before heading to their usual hang out. It was an abandoned lot, with weeds already growing in, odd knick knacks scattered everywhere, and one gnarled tree. It could’ve been a beautiful tree, could’ve had all the branches and leaves, all the trimmings. It’s dead now, nothing but one lone branch reaching for the sky. It was an ugly lot. But It was convenient, sat right behind John’s backyard, also known as away from his dad’s prying eyes. Not that, ahem, they would actually do anything.

They had a hung a tire swing on that lonely branch. It was handmade, literally an old, dusty tire and a hemp rope. It wasn’t too steady not with the wood rotting. Vriska sat on it anyways. It’s served them well the last year, it could handle one more afternoon of her plush rump. So she sat and she swung, slowly, dragging her sneakers across the dirt. And she marveled. One year. Fifty-two weeks. 365 days. Still, they were together, and by that she meant a couple, a fully functioning couple. Who would’ve thought? Karkat certainly didn’t. Hell, even she didn’t. But they managed. It wasn’t crystal perfection by any stretch of the imagination. They argued oh did they ever. And everyone in the school knew to keep out of her way whenever they argued. It had the irritating side effect of having their relationship always broadcasted for everyone to know.

And yet time after time, they somehow got back together again. Time, after time, after time.

So, she asks, on this most auspicious anniversary.

“Why me, John?”

But he only smiled and said. “It just felt like I’ve been waiting to meet you for the longest time.”


	3. Dreambubble Date Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canon compliant. A peek into the shenanigans those two got up to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not exactly early morning late this time. So yay, points for me. But I'm sick as fuck, and my head's gone all woozy, soooo... Basically the level of quality should be more or less the same. Lol.

"Alright, exploded corn kernels?"

"Um, popcorn? Check!"

"A wide variety of fizzy liquid caffeine?"

"You mean energy drinks, right? Check!"

"Cocoa rectangles!"

"Ok, now I know you're messing with me, Vris. There is no way you call chocolate bars, cocoa rectangles! I mean I know Alternian can be retarded but - Ow! Hey!"

Vriska laughed, continuing her pillow assault. "Alternian is a totally awesome and nooooooooble language! Unlike your dumb Earth speech. I mean who needs 150 languages anyways? Now that's stupid."

"It's called diversity! It's a very complex human thing. I'm sure your puny troll brains wouldn't understand it!" John taunted, only to get a face full of cushion. "And will you quit that?"

"Ahahahahahahahaha, I'm sorry John! I'm afraid I can't hear over how great being a troll is! Unlike humans, we aren't as fragile and weak!"

"Oh, I'll show you weak!"

Quick as he could, John reached forward, catching Vriska off guard. Her swings faltered giving him just ample enough time to wrap an arm around her neck, his free hand rubbing his knuckles into the top of her head, a prime A noogie.

"Ack, John! You're messing up my hair! Also, you smell like Equius and by that I mean sweaty! Quit iiiiiiiit!"

"Noooooooope! Not until you say 'uncle'!"

"What?"

"Say uncle or I don't let go!"

"Okay, fine! Fine! Un-cal!"

John immediately released her, cackling. "Oh man, I thought your hair couldn't get poofier!"

"Whateveeeeeeeer!" Vriska pouted, glaring petulantly. "What's un-cal, anyways?"

"It's uncle, not un-cal. And it's um, it's the brother of your lusii."

"So... like a lusii of the same species?"

"Yeah. That's about right."

"What does that have to do with getting you to let go?"

"It's supposed to be a sign of surrender."

"What do lusii have to do with surrender?"

"I... You know, I don't actually know - Oof! Again with the pillow throwing!"

"Pffft, John. You and your silly human ways. Now, quit being a doofus! Are we or are we not having Super Special Awesome Game Night Saturday?"

"Oh, we totally are! I have got the coolest game... ever!"

"Well, so! Show it to me!"

"Say please!"

Vriska narrowed her eyes. "John."

John simply smiled in return. "Vriska."

"John!"

"Vriska!"

"You know, your zipper has been open this entire time."

"What? Really?!"

John glanced down just as Vriska snatched away the mysterious video game.

"What? Mario Kart?"

"My zipper was not open! You tricked me."

"We aren't playing, Mario Kart. That game is for dweebs! And Tavros."

"I'll have you know, Mario Kart is a totally legit game."

"Uh, no. Why don't we play something like, oh I know! Let's do that Amnesia Custom Story, Josephine? No, I think it was Joline! Ugh, duh. How could I forget? It was totally Justine."

"Oh no! No way, we are not playing Amnesia anything! Never ever! Forever!"

"Aaaaaaaaww, is wittle John scared of the big bad grunt?"

"Shut up. It was dark. And that thing came out of nowhere!"

"Dude, you totally kept waking me up, in the middle of the day may I add, blubbering like a little wriggler!"

"Slander!"

"Waaaaaaaah! The monster is going to eat me! Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah!"

"I totally don't sound like that."

"Oh but you do!"

"Well! You know what I think? I think you just want to play Amneisa 'cause you're scared I'll beat you in Mario Kart."

Vriska narrowed her eyes, a smirk curling on her lips. "Care to repeat that, Joooooooohn?"

"You heard me." John taunted, smiling innocently back.

"Ooh, it is on now, Egbert! I am the undisputed CHAMPION of all games! Even wriggler games like, ugh, Mario Kart!"

"Oh... We will see about that!"

"Bring it on, flyboy!"

"It's already been brought!"


	4. Dreambubble Date Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canon complaint. Continuation from Chapter 3. More Shenanigans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont have a cold anymore! Yay! And it's only semi late! Yay! I dont think the quality rose very much. Aww...

“Aaaargh! I can’t believe you’re actually beating me!”

“I toooooooold you so! Eat my faerie dust, Egderp!”

“Oh damn it.”

“I am the best. It’s me! But of course, you knew that, didn’t you John?”

“Best two out of three.”

“Fiiiiiiiine by me. I can whoop your ass all night long.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Hey, wait. John? The game already started. Why did you put down your controller? John? John, what are you - hahahaha, John no! Eeeeeeeek!”

Vriska collapses into a fit of giggles as his fingers tickled her sides. She leans too far back, desperate to escape her reach, and falls to the floor. He follows till he’s straddling her waist, not letting up his attack.

“Ahahahahahahahaha, Jo-Joooooooohn! This isn’t – Hahahahahahahaha – fair! This is cheeeeeeeeating! Ahahahahahahahaha!”

“What can I say? I learned from the best.”

Her hands bat across his and her fingers find his belly. His shirt had ridden up, exposing the defenseless tummy. She tickles the sensitive skin there and counters with her own attack.

“You call that cheating???????? You obviously have much to learn, young grasshopper!”

“Ahahahaha – Oh, man! I knew letting you watch those Kung Fu movies was a a – ahahahaha – bad idea!”

They tumble across the floor, upsetting the bowl of popcorn and entangling the blankets. Their controllers lay forgotten by the couch. A non player character ends up winning the prize. They find themselves unable to care, tickling each other till their breathless and just about senseless.

It could be minutes. It could be hours. It could even be days before they eventually cease. Time knows no master in these bubbles, as they spend forever and a day lying side by side on the floor. They're both gasping for air, staring up at the ceiling with their hands entwined between them.

“You totally went easy on me, didn’t you John?”

“Ahahahahahahaha, well…”

“Damn it, John!”


	5. AU Kindergartenstuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiddie hi-jinks, a blanket fort, and an amused Dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE. Sort of. /curls back into her corner

It’s the little things at first. It was always the little things. Dad didn’t notice, at least not immediately. When a couple kitchen chairs disappeared, he looked the other way. When several blankets and the duvet vanished, he turned a blind eye. But when his favorite throw pillow went missing, he knew it was time to investigate. After all, it was the Dad’s duty to keep the household in tip top shape, fixing leaky faucets and what not. Ensuring all items were in their proper place was just another of his chores. His investigation led him to the upstairs hallway where a rather conspicuous settlement sprang up. The kitchen chairs saddled the space between the banister and the walls, with the blankets and the duvet laid over them. The throw pillow appeared to be but one of many kidnapped cushions, all stacked in a neat row, effectively walling off the opening between the chairs. It was a tent, or to be more accurate, a fort. And if Dad was to guess, judging from the telltale giggles and the loudly hissed whispers, he might just know who built it.

“Everything okay in there, John?” He asked mildly.

There was some shuffling and few surprised yelps before the pillows were pushed aside and John’s face peered out.

“Hay, Dad!” He greeted.

Seconds later, another head popped out. “Hey, Mr. Egbert.”

Dad chuckled. “I didn’t know you had a guest over. And a fine lady at that! How do you do, Miss?”

The little girl preened under the praise, tilting her chin up in what she supposed was a high-class gesture. “See, John. That’s how a gentleman acts.”

“Pfft, so why don’t you act that way?” John teases.

There was a dull thump, subsequently followed by John’s noisy “Ow!”

“I am a lady, John! A lady!” The girl pouts.

“John.” Dad cuts in before things escalate. “Why don’t you introduce me to your friend?”

“Oh yeah! Dad, this is Vriska. Vriska, this is my Dad.” He chrips.

“I’m six years old!” Vriska announces proudly. “I’m the oldest kid in my class!”

“Nu-uh!” John counters. “Tavros is older by a whole month!”

“But Tavros is laaaaaaaame, so he doesn’t count. Oh! I know! Let’s make a sign that says ‘NO TAVROS ALLOWED’.”

“But Tavros isn’t even here.”

“It’s the principle of the thing, John!” Vriska explains, patting John on the head as she disappears back into the fort.

“Do you even know what that word means?” John laughs, following her back inside.

Somewhere in the depths of their little hideout, a flashlight turns on, it’s light shining through the blankets. Dad stands forgotten in the hallway, smiling bemusedly. He listens as the two plunge themselves in play and in each other before shaking his head. He turns to walk back to the kitchen. They’ll be hungry in an hour or so, he better prepare something.

“Clean up after yourselves!” He calls over his shoulder.

“We will!” Twin shouts reply.

His smile widens just a bit more. Something tells him this won’t be the last he’s seen of Miss Vriska.


	6. Post Game Snugglebugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scars! I fucking love scars! Have I mentioned how much I love scars? I love scars. Scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sick as a dog. Flu shot, you lied to me.

She has battle scars. You admit to being fascinated by this. You’ve never met a girl with battle scars before. Jade once showed you the scar she got from a particularly irritated sea urchin. But that was more of an accident than from a deliberate wound someone made, because they wanted to hurt her, because they wanted her to hurt. So Jade’s didn’t count. Vriska’s scars were a whole other animal and you can’t help running your fingers over them, tracing the discolored skin, a lighter gray instead of the usual ash gray. It was the gray of an overcast sky, heralding a storm. It fits, you think, that the scars resemble a spider web, delicate and thin, crisscrossing over the softer parts of her body – the more sensitive area. Because they wanted her to hurt.

“Joooooooohn!” She whines, turning to face you.

You’re both in bed, stripped to your underwear. You in your boxers, and she in her bra and boxers. Your boxers, you note with a grin. She must’ve borrowed a pair, and by that you mean she stole them. She has a fondness for wearing your boxers and your shirts and your jackets. She would wear your pants too but she finds them too baggy.

“That tickles.” She laughs, nestling her head on the crook of your neck. “Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you like my scars so much.”

“Mmm… I just can’t help it, you know?” You reply as you thumb over a particularly jagged scar at the base of her hips. “Tell me the story about this one.”

“You already know the story. You know all of the stories. All of them!!!!!!!!”

“So? You like telling me about yourself.” You tease.

Vriska tries to scowl but fails miserably. “Fiiiiiiiine, I guess it’s not too much trouble to tell you again.”

She sighs rather melodramatically. You roll your eyes.

“Yes, yes. You are doing me such a great favor, Marquise. I am truly honored.”

“Oh, shut up. Do you want me to tell you or not?”

“Well, now that I’m thinking about it-!”

“-It was a dark and stormy night. I was out LARPing as usual. This was when Eridan and I were still a thing…”

You laugh quietly, looking more than listening as Vriska regales you with her swashbuckling adventure. It’s true, you’ve heard the story countless of times. But you doubt you’ll ever get tired of watching her eyes light up or the way her cheeks flush with excitement as she looses herself in the triumphs of old. It’s a thing of beauty, you think. She’s a thing of beauty.

And you feel yourself fall, just a little harder for this mad, brilliant girl.


	7. Clubstuck (Human AU)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human AU, John celebrates his 25th birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop. I am calm and cool and not sick. And it's pretty early! booyah

She spins her web in back end bars, under dim, dingy lights. She spins her web with crossed legs and tiny, cocktail dresses. The hem kisses her thighs and not an inch lower. She spins her web through cherry red lipstick and poisoned perfume. Invitation in the fine slope of her neck, she winks at you and you know you’re in trouble.

You once saw a spider catch its supper. It was late in the evening and you were coming home from work. Except you forgot your house keys. So, there you were, stranded outside your apartment and waiting for your roommate to let you in. It was the shadows that caught your attention. The speckled spots dancing on the walls, the flies buzzing about the porch light. You remember the whisper of spider silk twined around the bulb.

And the wandering fly that approached it. Just as you approach her. All feet and no beat, with a smile of buckteeth, you push up your glasses and ask her to dance. The music hums on your skin and the alcohol sings in your veins. You can’t walk straight, you can’t think straight. The world is a cesspool of color. You slur your speech. She smiles and humors you.

The fly donned its silken shroud and flew no further. Your roommate had refused to answer the door, so you were stuck watching this morbid show. It had occurred to you that you’ve never seen a spider feed. Your intrigue pinned your eyes to the web, looking on as the spider approached its meal.

Eight legs had crossed the web and eight steps cross the club. You’re on the dance floor now. Imprisoned in a wall of bodies, stunned blind by the flashing strobe lights, you feel her slide against you. Her body fits yours the way a hand slips into a glove. Perfectly. Her head settles on your shoulder and her smirk curls on your neck. 

Your name is John Egbert. Today is your 25th birthday. And you are in so much trouble.

“You come here often?” You ask.

“Are you kidding? This is the only decent club around!” She replies.

“So, I’m guessing that’s a yes.”

She throws you an amused glance, quirking her brow. “You’re a little weird.”

“It’s the khakis isn’t it? I look like a dork, huh?”

She laughs and slips closer, her silk-stockinged legs tangle with yours. And you’re pinned, your back to the wall, her breath on your ear. You think of the fly cocooned in thread. Helpless in its struggles as the spider bore down. You thought you had seen the fangs, venom-laced and raised, a guillotine about to fall.

She whispers, “I like that.”

The spider bites.

Your strength melts away, sweet sugar in water. And you kiss her. Your hands memorize how her waist spills into her hips. Fingers snaking into her hair, you draw her close. She purrs and the world spins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a longer version. But it's an original story and not a fanfic.
> 
> Here: http://throwntotheair.tumblr.com/post/18887900577/spider-bites

**Author's Note:**

> Come at me bros.


End file.
